shades of blue
by shushufangirl
Summary: duo turns thirty and heero comes to win him back, there is one problem though...duo's married and he has a five-year old daughter


shades of blue   
  
  
Characters aren't mine, don't sue, appreciate comments though  
  
  
Shades of Blue  
  
  
This is it, I have finally reached the big 3-0. Waking up and finding out your thirty does not do much good for a guy. Man what hit me last night? The smell of sex still stains the guestroom's sheets and I groan, looks like I got some. Where is the poor sap?  
  
I make my way, rather I stumble through the corridors nearly knocking over Hilde's vase as I fall into the kitchen. The scenery freezes. Here is my wonderful partner for life with her little pink apron holding a pan about to flip another flapjack. She looks at me and frowns going over to the table to place the said flapjack down on my plate. Now the other occupant of the room smiles at me and waves her cute little arms as she runs to give me a hug.  
  
"Happy Birthday Daddy!" The five-year old chirps jumping in to my arms.  
  
"Morning sweetheart." I smile she was so cute. "Mommy in a bad mood?"   
  
"She shooed your boyfriend away." She crinkles her nose and heads back toward her high chair.  
  
"Hey cutie." I smile going over to her and encircling her waist as I place a kiss on her cheek.   
  
"Finish up Diana, you'll be late." She says shrugging me off and turning to our daughter, I make a face and the little one laughs before getting up and giving her mom a kiss and heading out to the honking school bus.   
  
These were the women in my life.  
  
"Really Duo, you should stop bringing home these strange men." She says when the rumbling of the school bus can no longer be heard. I look up at her with my mouth full of flapjacks. "Or at least get them the hell out of my house before Diana wakes up."  
  
"Mmffffmmmfffmf." I say in my defense. She laughs and whips out a small package.  
  
"Happy birthday sweetheart." She says before returning to her stove.  
  
"Why Hilde you remembered!" I smile. I greedily tear away the blue wrapper and put the silver ribbon on my head.   
  
"Of course its not everyday you turn thirty you know." she says over her shoulder as I stick my tongue out at her.  
  
I bring out the platinum bracelet, my eyes skimming over the smooth silver surface and as I turn it over it falls upon the clean script hidden from view, with love Hilde and Diana.   
  
"Awwww, sweetie thanks." I say trying to put it on.  
  
"Here." She sits beside me and clasps the impossibly small lock of the bracelet on my wrist. It was beautiful, like liquid metal on my skin. I whistle.  
  
"This must have cost a fortune."   
  
"Tell me about it. But that's not all." She winks at me.  
  
"Oooooh more presents! Gimme!"   
  
"Later you greedy bitch!" I stick my tongue out at her.  
  
"It is also our anniversary in case you don't remember." I suddenly panic.  
  
"Of course I do!"   
  
"Liar."  
  
"Sorry sweetheart."  
  
"Today is the tenth year anniversary of your pseudo proposal."   
  
"Yeah." I say weakly. Today was also the day ten years ago when he walked out on me.  
  
"He had Heero's eyes." I snap out of my trance and look at her.   
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh don't pretend like you can hide something from me." she winks over her mug. "It's been ten years Duo."  
  
"Yeah I know."  
  
"You bring all of these strange men home and the only thing these poor sods have in common, aside from the fact that you break up with them inside three months, is that they all remind you of Heero."   
  
"Yeah I know."  
  
"The hair, the eyes, the voice, the built. Geez sometimes even just the name!"  
  
"Yeah I know."  
  
"Sweetheart you aren't listening."   
  
"Yeah I know." I stop and look at her sheepishly she just smiles.   
  
***  
  
"Hey love." I greet placing a kiss on his cheek. He looks at me strangely, his blue eyes confused by something. "Give me a beer bartender coz tonight's my night!"   
  
I chugged down half the beer and howled as I felt the rush. "Brainfreeze!" I shout, man it was good to be alive.  
  
"Duo." I put down the mug and look at him expectantly. Man he was beautiful. This anti-social psycho that would have killed himself when the war ended had I not stopped him, this unresponsive idiot that was experiencing everything for the first time, this kid who had never felt anything in his life and was unsure of how to deal with it, this soldier who was lost without his missions and who I had found, this man who has been my lover for the last four years this man who I loved.   
  
"Yeah love?" I ask.  
  
"Relena called." And here it was that my world ended.   
  
"What she say?" I ask swallowing.  
  
"I need to go to her." He said a little too easily. "She needs me."  
  
I look at him like the idiot I was, too stunned to even let my tears fall.  
  
"So that's it huh?" I asked a chuckle caught in my throat.   
  
"I..."  
  
"Fuck fest is over." I look at the mirror behind the bar, seeing him still looking at my profile. "Shit. Fuck you man and fuck me for falling in love with you."  
  
His mouth opens and closes, he didn't even know what to say. Poor kid, life's too strange for ya huh? Fuck this. I pull my jacket from the barstool and walkout. What else was I to do but walk out. Geez this is heart breaking.   
  
He was already packed when I got back home. I left his bags out on the corridor. I didn't need him in my house anymore. I rest my back on the door. I knew it. I so fucking knew it.  
  
"I am sorry Duo." He says softly against the wood. And I hear him take his bags and walk away. I guess I really am an idiot.  
  
I stare up as his shuttle takes off, he didn't even wait for the morning.   
  
God has a great sense of humor. I'm standing here, heart bleeding, feeling like shit and he makes it rain. Just friggin peachy!  
  
"Duo?" I hear her voice behind me.   
  
"It's my birthday today you know?" I ask not turning around.  
  
"Yep." She comes closer and puts her umbrella over my head.   
  
"I knew I would never keep him. I just thought...I thought..." I stop, the tears finally coming. I turn around and she puts her arms around me.  
  
"Its ok Duo."  
  
"I'm an idiot huh?" I smile as she rubs my back.   
  
"Yeah, we all are. Falling for someone who can't love us back." She looks at me sadly.   
  
"What say you Miss Something-or-other lets spit in love's face?"   
  
"What?" she looks at me puzzled.  
  
"Marry me Hilde, I don't want to go home alone."   
  
"I...I..." I kiss her, I wasn't blind I knew Hilde loved me. "Duo this isn't fair."  
  
"What's fair finding your one true love and then finding out they can't love you back?" I say moving away from her embrace.   
  
"I can never take his place."  
  
"I am not asking you too. I am asking you if you would like to share my life." I say stroking her cheek. She looks at me sadly and leans in to my touch. She closes her eyes and I can feel her tears sliding down her cheeks. And for a moment I think I went too far. Asking her to do this was asking her to live a lie. I was asking us both to live a lie. But any lie would have been better then this truth.   
  
I was about to ask her to forget it when she looks up at me and smiles.  
  
"I do."  
  
***  
  
We made love that night in my apartment. The next day we got hitched and a couple of years later Diana was born.   
  
I still don't know if what I did was right. I mean I am monogamous, she is the only woman I make love to, at least I kept my part of the bargain. We don't usually sleep with each other, I mean I am gay for crying out loud. She has her lovers and I have mine and this was the only bit that we had to compromise on, otherwise we were the perfect couple.   
  
And everyday that I wake up in our house has been wonderful. Having her to talk too, waking up with her beside me, when I didn't have one of my boyfriends over, smelling her cooking when I enter the house, cuddling with her when Diana was asleep, just having her there. She was the other half of my life I would not be complete without her.   
  
"Duo! Stop daydreaming and haul your ass!" I would love her even more if she weren't such a pain. She was looking for something in the file cabinet, her knee-length beige skirt rising up her thighs as she bends over. Her white sleeve-less top revealing very white arms and curves that a mother for six years would have no right having. She draws her long curly black hair away from her eyes and frowns.   
  
I move over to her and wrap my arms around her waist. "Ten years huh? Aren't you sick of me yet?"  
  
"Actually I am. Thank you for bringing that up, I am running away with this boy tomorrow almost legal and hot as hell. We're gonna have animal sex and I will leave you for good."   
  
"Gee thanks."   
  
"Anytime love." She gives me a kiss and I swat her behind as she moves away.   
  
***  
  
"Are we going to pick up Diana?" I ask as we turn the corner.   
  
"She's going to meet us there, I asked Wufei to pick her up." She says putting on lipstick.  
  
"Oh Wu-man's here?"  
  
"Yeah didn't I tell you? He called earlier."  
  
"Must be on a mission. Heh it's been almost a year since I last saw him. Did you tell him it was my birthday?"   
  
"Yes Duo and I told him to get you a gift coz you will bug him to death if he didn't."  
  
"Damn straight!"  
  
"Sheesh, Diana is the only five-year old I know that hangs out in a pub!" she says putting her hair in a pony.  
  
"They love her there! And why are you getting all prettied up? You still aren't putting the moves on Wufei are ya?"   
  
"What? He's single, I'm single."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Oh shut up baka! And I want to feel pretty is that a crime?"  
  
"Wufei is a frigging monk! I don't think he's gotten any for the last ten years."  
  
"Besides Sally has dibs on him. So I won't even touch him with a ten foot pole."  
  
"Poor Sally." I sigh. Wufei was still very much in love with Meiran, always had and always will. Some people can only love once in their lifetime.  
  
I turn into the parking lot of The Green Foreigner my favorite pub. What the hell is a Green Foreigner anyway? Geez if it wasn't for the good booze and the great company I wouldn't even bring my daughter here, that didn't sound right.  
  
"Daddy!" she came running towards me, her little braid swaying behind her. "Didja get the bracelet me and mommy bought?"   
  
"Yep thanks sweetie." I kiss her on the cheek.  
  
"Unca Wufei said that I was really grown up now and that my hair was very pretty."  
  
"Really? Isn't that a surprise." I look over to the bartender, "Hey George give my little goddess here a strawberry milkshake."  
  
"Sure Duo, hey Diana wanna play billiards with me tonight?" George was a big burly hairy man, who would have scared you pantless if he approached you in the middle of the mall, he was also the best babysitter on L2.   
  
I turn around after depositing my daughter in his arms and froze.  
  
"Well jack me off and cover me in marmalade." There they were. Trowa, Quatre and Wufei, all of us together again. Save for one. I take off my leather jacket and fix the white turtleneck I had underneath.  
  
"Happy birthday Duo." Quatre got up and gave me a small box. He still looked the same, with his baby blue eyes and golden curls, still a Greek god if you ask me. He wore a black ribbed sweater which made him look even more pale and slacks, simple yet stylish and not to mention very expensive.   
  
"Oooohhhhh presents."   
  
"Hilde said not to bother to come if we didn't bring any." Trowa said from behind the blonde, he had cut his hair finally, it was still the same but shorter, we can see both eyes now and he was growing a little beard. He had on polo shirt and a sport jacket and tight jeans reminding us all how good his ass looked. I haven't seen the couple in four years and they still looked cute together.   
  
"Isn't she charming." Hilde sticks her tongue out at me.   
  
"Geez Duo, she looks like you braid and all." Quatre said looking at Diana. "I swear when I first saw her I thought you had shrunk!"   
  
"And got into a pair of pink overalls?" I asked laughing. "Yeah she looks like me, I wonder where you came into the picture." I point at Hilde.  
  
"I am the responsible parent mind you!"   
  
"So how ya guys been?" I ask turning to my fellow former pilots. "It's been a long time huh?"  
  
"Not long enough Maxwell." Wufei still his adorable self, his hair was eternally shoulder length and her wore glasses, only Wufei can pull that off. He wore a black shirt underneath his Preventer's jacket, jeans and boots, typical Wufei attire.  
  
***  
  
Two hours and seven rounds of beer later and we were still reminiscing about the good old days.  
  
"I can't believe Hilde found all of you." I smile at her.  
  
"Wufei found the others actually." She smiles back.  
  
"So you guys still together?" I ask staring pointedly at the two pilots sitting across from me.   
  
"Uh." Quatre blushed. "No we broke up a couple of years back. Sorry Duo we should have told you."  
  
"Why? Still trying to force yourselves to become hetero?" yep I was definitely drunk or tipsy at least.  
  
"It just wasn't working." Trowa said with an and-that's-the-end-of-it look.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Its ok, really it is." Quatre smiled.  
  
"If you get any cuter I will hit on you." I tease.   
  
"What? You find out he's available and start flirting with him the next second?" Wufei muttered smacking me on the head.  
  
"Ok, ok fine, old friends are sacred. No playing with their feelings." I raise my hand in surrender.  
  
"Er... thank you." Quatre blushed. I smile as I see Trowa move a little closer to the blonde.  
  
Suddenly the door opens and a young man steps in. I didn't even recognize him at first in his three-piece suit. But his eyes always gave him away. Sometimes cobalt, sometimes azure, sometimes turquoise, sometimes cerulean but not quite. The strangest shade of blue.   
  
"Happy Birthday sweetheart." Hilde whispers in my ear as she gets up and collects Diana that was already sleeping on the bar.   
  
His eyes move over Hilde who greeted him and then they widened as they fell on the little girl in her arms. It must have been quite a shock to find a miniature version of your former lover in the arms of another woman.   
  
Hilde looks back at me and blows me a kiss from behind Heero and mouthed the words good luck.  
  
"That bitch." I mutter beneath my breath.  
  
"It is time you guys put the past behind you." Wufei answered as Heero began moving towards our table.  
  
"I have! She's the one digging it up again." I hiss.  
  
"Then why are you whispering?" good point.  
  
"Hey Heero Yuy. How ya been?" I wave at him.  
  
"Here." He shoves a box towards me.   
  
"Woohooo presents." I tear the wrapping off. It was a gun. The gun I had shot him with. "Heh, you aren't gonna get me back are ya?" I ask nervously. Why couldn't he give normal presents like a coffee machine or curtains?   
  
"You kept it all these years?" I ask unsure of what to feel.  
  
"I think its time you got it back." He sat down across from me. He had taken that gun from me when we became lovers, saying I was the only one that was able to shoot him and he would make sure I never shot him again. It was a joke.  
  
"Would you look at us together again." I smile putting his gift away seeing as it made the others uneasy. "Hey guys thanks for coming you really made my birthday." I say quietly.  
  
"Of course Duo." Quatre smiled. "We should do this more often."  
  
"Yeah." I say.   
  
"Listen Quatre and I have to go." Trowa said standing up.   
  
"Sorry Duo." Quatre smiled.   
  
"Hey man I understand. I'll call you tomorrow?" I ask and the blonde nodded his head but Trowa narrowed his eyes and held on to the smaller man's hand as they left.   
  
"I have to leave as well. I need to report back." Wufei said.  
  
"What is this a conspiracy?" I say crossing my arms over my chest.  
  
"You could say that. Maxwell, Yuy." He said standing up and leaving.   
  
I look at Heero who was staring at me as well. Ok partner just you and me now.  
  
"So what have you been doing these ten years l...Heero." I almost said love. Sheesh, why don't I just take my gun and point it at my head and get it over with.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Oh that's very nice." I take another swig of beer. I am not drunk enough for this.  
  
"How's Relena?" I heard about their marriage six years ago; it was on all the channels. A fairytale love story, they said. The princess and her night, her knight who was boffing another knight a couple of years back. I wondered how much money I could have gotten if I sold my story to them. I also heard about the divorce two years later. The tabloids went nuts.   
  
"She's ok." He said swallowing his beer.  
  
"I heard about what happened man. Sorry." I say apologetically.   
  
"Why are you sorry? You didn't have anything to do with it." Ouch.   
  
"You still an assassin for them?" I ask casually. He didn't answer meaning yes. I was offered that job as well; I turned it down knowing full well that he was there.   
  
"Funny isn't it? A pacifist government needing assassins."  
  
"Sacrifices must be made."  
  
"Still defending her I see." A silence fell between us.  
  
"You have a daughter?" he asks looking at me.  
  
"Yeah, she's turning six next week." I smile.  
  
"She looks like you."  
  
"Yeah a lot of people say that."  
  
"She's Hilde's?" he asks kinda shy, it was cute.  
  
"Yep we've been together ten years now." I smile.  
  
"Oh." He turns his attention back to his beer.   
  
"That is it." I say standing up, he looks at me puzzled. "Listen I am so not drunk enough for this. Tonight is my night. I turned thirty today and I don't need this. Thank you for coming Heero. It was nice seeing you again but I'm going now."  
  
And I pick up my jacket, my gifts, say goodbye to George and walk out. Again. Man this was becoming a pattern.   
  
I realize that I did not have a car. Damn. I start walking down the highway.   
  
"Duo." He called. I stop.  
  
"Enough is enough Heero." I say and before I knew it he was kissing me. And I was kissing him back before finally pushing him away.  
  
"What the fuck was that?" I scream angrily.  
  
"Please Duo." He says drawing me close.  
  
"No!" I say walking away again.  
  
"Please Duo. I can't live without you! These ten years have been hell."   
  
"Yeah well that's no longer my problem buddy." I say hastening my pace.   
  
"Please Duo it hurts so bad." I stop. I turn to face him.  
  
"Do you think it didn't hurt when you walked out on me? How many tears I shed because I missed you so much? How many nights I wanted to die seeing you there with her? Do you think it didn't hurt?"   
  
"I had to leave. She needed me." he says almost in tears.   
  
"And I didn't?"  
  
"It was a mission."  
  
"And I was not important enough to be given a frigging explanation?"   
  
"I love you Duo."  
  
"And it took you ten years to find that out?"  
  
"I came back. But you were with Hilde and you seemed so happy I couldn't..."  
  
"That's right I am happy Heero. So fuck you." I say turning again.   
  
"Please don't be angry Duo. Please." The weakness in his voice made me stop. Heero Yuy had no weaknesses.  
  
"What do you want Heero?" I say facing him.  
  
"I was confused Duo, I didn't know what I was feeling. I didn't understand the pain I was feeling. I thought if I just did what I was told it would go away. But it never went away. I just want the pain to stop." he says tears falling.  
  
And my heart went out to him. He was just a boy after all. How could he know about love and heartache when all he was taught was missions and obedience? How could you explain the world to a boy who has never experienced it?  
  
"Please Duo I want to be with you again." He said it. The fucking perfect soldier said it. And I look at him. The rain began to fall then. How perfectly theatrical God!  
  
"Please." He begged again falling on his knees.   
  
I feel the water soak into my clothes, my hair plastering against my back, I no longer braided it that was a crown for my goddess alone. He looks up at me his eyes, the strangest shade of blue, were streaked with pain. Telling me what he said was true.  
  
"Why now Heero?" I ask.  
  
"Hilde called me, she told me you still loved me and I...I..."  
  
"You thought you'd come and win me back?"  
  
"I had to try Duo." I walk over to him helping him up and I wrap my hands around his shivering shoulders, his expensive pants now covered with mud. I draw him towards me and take his lips in mine. I close my eyes, remembering how it felt like to be in his arms, how his skin smelled, how soft his hair was. And I drew away from him. Placing my forehead on his.  
  
"You can't expect me to leave my wife and my daughter just coz the love of my life decides to come waltzing back into it. I love you Heero, I still do. But everything's different now. It's over love."   
  
And he pulls away from me his eyes suddenly unstable. He takes his gift from my pocket and places my finger on the trigger, placing it on his forehead.   
  
"If you're not coming back with me, then pull the trigger." He says staring me in the eye. "Pull the trigger Duo, I want the pain to end now."   
  
"Pull the trigger!" he shouted. My tears fall then.   
  
"It's over Heero." I whisper dropping my eyes.   
  
"No!" he screams taking the gun from my hand and running back toward The Green Foreigner. I should run after him, make sure he's all right. But not right now, my knees suddenly give way and I fall.   
  
***   
  
Another two hours and six shots of tequila later I walk into the house; the lights were turned off. They must be asleep. My head hurts and my heart is experiencing new heights of pain. And the cold seeps into my skin and fills me inside as well.  
  
And then I see it.   
  
Hilde had Diana in her arms and they were lying on the floor of our first floor bathroom my baby's toothbrush still clutched in her hand. Diana was in her pajamas and Hilde had her bunny slippers on. They weren't breathing.   
  
I scream. And I fall on my knees beside my wife. Drawing them both in a cold embrace. I stroke her hair asking her to come back. My tears start falling once more.  
  
I look at my hands, now covered with their blood. And bring it to my lips, tasting what life once was. And I rock them against me, willing myself to wake up, telling myself this wasn't real.   
  
He was sitting on the toilet, he had my gun in his hands. "I wanted the pain to stop." he said falling on his knees beside me. "I am sorry Duo."   
  
"Sssshhhhh." I say placing my finger on his lips. Seeing the bracelet my wife gave me now bathed in her blood. My white shirt now bears my little girl's stain. Oh God.   
  
I draw him toward me letting go of my dead family. "It's ok Heero, it's ok." I whisper in his ear.   
  
"Please make the pain stop." he pleads against my cheek, his hands finding their way beneath my wet shirt.  
  
"It's going to stop." I say as he begins to undress me. I look up at his blue eyes not quite sure what shade they were now and see the madness mirroring my own.  
  
***  
  
The cold air brushes against my skin and I bury my head deeper in his chest. He draws my hair away from my face and kisses my cheek. He loves my hair. He loves me.  
  
I kiss him on his neck and he smiles. We would arrive at his house soon. He told me he made that house for me. I believe him because he loves me. He loves me.   
  
He says the pain has stopped and I smile. He tells me he is happy now. He loves me.   
  
He says he will never let me go again. He loves me.   
  
I only have him now. And I am happy.  
  
He loves me. And I love him.  
  
  
  
~End~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
notes: just to clear things up, Duo went insane in the end coz the loss of his wife and daughter was too much to bear...they were both crazy in the end that's why the madness was mirrored in both of their blue eyes   
  
that Hilde Something-or-other I got from another fanfic (sorry I forgot which one, I will give credit where it is due just tell me where it is due coz I really forgot sorry) aside from the fact that I really can't remember how to spell her last name. 


End file.
